16032012

I'm back. I just started my college life last month. In 2 months time... I'll be having my exams. Stressstressstess. Before all this, I was trying to applying to Singapore, I took a few tests but it wasn't successful. Therefore, I'm back in Malaysia.
At the beginning of this month, I received an email mentioning that I am shortlisted and they would like me to take a test and interview... They offered me a Diploma which is my second choice therefore I believe giving up on Singapore and applying for college in Malaysia wasn't wrong and so I should not go for the test and interview which is on the 23rd of March.
There's this guy in my life. I don't know how to keep him... he thinks that I don't love him and he don't know what he means to me. I know he loves me and for all the things he did for and to me... and he bought me presents for valentines day... I truly appreciate it. He does piss me off like how he does a few things... I guess all I want is him to be perfect like how messy he can be when he eat something and how serious he should be at times... but I guess I have no rights to make anyone change themselves. He is not expecting too much from me but I'm doing too little for him. And guess what? I would like to focus on my studies. I wish relationships doesn't need time... as long as you love me and I love you, but sadly, time is needed. I guess everyone would like to spend time with their love ones. I prefer a guy who will still love me even if I have no intention to go out with him for a month, I will still love him and I am not really the type of girl who fall out for a guy easily. We text until we say goodnight to each other everynight, without him knowing that I actually fell asleep many times but I wake up to reply him until he says goodnight? However sometimes, I am so tired... I just can't wake up and reply him, in fact, I wake up at around 2hours later to just read his I love you. but at times I just say nights first because I am tired and I don't want him to be waiting for my text. He says that I don't want to spend time with him, I'm sorry. I'm not a good girlfriend. In fact, I'm more suitable to be single I guess. He thinks that I don't love him, my heartaches when he texts me no i love you, when he is upset, when he starts knowing why I do certain things and start saying sorry... they all make me sad too. I guess he might put an end to this sooner or later because of how I am to him lately. I'm so sorry for being an ass.

19092011

Confused.
I really don't know what I want. All I need is a guy I can talk to about everything, make me happy and hug whenever I feel like, I guess. It might sound very selfish of me but perhaps hook up sounds better for me. It's always me who's replying texts late, the one who says nights first, the one who doesn't wanna go out or can't go out and AOSDUSAIDASUIDNSJX.

I don't understand what love is, maybe I'm still too young to understand.
Define relationship.
"If you don't plan to get married with him, why are you with him?"

You said I used you... I wasn't. Am I?
Is it because of curiosity? pleasure? accompany?
Perhaps I wonder too much.
I don't deserve to be loved.

The moment I enjoyed the most with you was at the club :}

03092011

Do you know you are making me cry? The worst thing is I can't because my parents are around. This is just going nowhere. Hurts.

01082011

He was always there when I needed a hug or someone to talk to. All the guys lie but he doesn't. I talk to him about everything and he doesn't tell the world. He's mind is rarely on earth because he goes clubbing very often and smokes shit. I don't go clubbing or smoke shit therefore my time with him is usual just during break because we take different subjects.
We had many good times.

• I bought him Tigerbeer and brought it to school for him because I promised him for doing some shit.
• We had a hug competition, whoever gets the most hugs win. He grabbed everyone to him.
• He bought me a bar of snickers and I bought him a can of redbull for some reasons.
• "Studied" together at 7am before IGCSEs.
• Talk about his life: "what happened last night".
• Kicked my chair during English class when he is bored. Borrowed each others stationery. Scribbled on my Chemistry book "TRUST ME <3" because he pissed me off.
• He sniffed ethyl chloride... came and sit next to me and kept laughing.
  
• I bought him a zippo as a birthday present eventhough I don't encourage him to smoke.
• He gives me advices like a brother should.
• He being Eminem.
• When I am upset... he opens up his arms and wrap me with them.
• I got him a necklace as his 16th birthday.
  
• TOO MUCH SHIT.
  

His retarded faces. I love him. He is special and just amazing.
One and only gaybestfriend.
He is irreplaceable.

18072011

I have been in Singapore for a few days. AT, Maisarah and I went to the East Coast Park. Maisarah was one hour late because she went to the National Library. She brought Ezra along but he left after saying Hi because he has exams the next day. AT and I rented bicycles... Maisarah rented roller blades. Singapore's transportation system is good compared to Malaysia's. I took MRT and bus to reach there. You can even rent a kayak but we didn't plan to. The day was good though it was kinda drizzling the whole afternoon. Later, Maisarah's parents dropped AT and I home.

Dad asked me to stay at home the next day.

The next day I realised he took leave that's why. I couldn't be bothered so I told him that I am going to the National Library. Dad decided to go to JB. Did you know that every MRT station has a shopping mall? Yea, I ended up shopping for 2hours then I went to the library which was just next to it. Singapore and Malaysia just cannot be compared. Spent most of my time at the Biology section. I reached home at 7pm. Few minutes later, dad came back from JB...

Confused feelings.

Something just doesn't feel right. You have actually moved on but I made you look back. He asked and I said no. What if you asked her and she said yes? I don't know.

I'm sorry.

12072011

Woke up early and went to get a haircut then dropped by MIGS for a while. Had lunch then went home. Being compared with my neighbor's children. I washed my clothes and hanged them out, noone knows. Why compare? Nothing is perfect. People are just weird. Pissed off so I went to bed.

ASUIASHDUASIDHASD i miss you.